IS YOUR CHILD BULLY PROOF?         Stop Bullying!

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TAKING CHARGE

He knew the answer and he wasn't afraid to show it.

The question: What do you do if someone is bullying you and won't leave you alone?

The class: martial arts for kids.

"You can tell a teacher," Keller said. Other students in his class at Martial Arts Principles in Keene said they could walk away, or tell the bully to stop.

They're all good lessons, and they complement or support efforts at area schools to prevent or stop bullying, parents said.

Bullying in schools has been in the spotlight locally and nationally for the past year, after more than a dozen children and teens committed suicide after enduring teasing and taunting by classmates.

Last year, Keller was getting picked on regularly at school, his mom, Tracy Grissom, said earlier, while the 1st-grader pulled on his gloves and pads for class Saturday morning.

His parents enrolled him in a martial arts class then, and the dividends are already adding up.

"He's learned the skills to stand up for himself," Grissom said. "I feel like his whole experience (at school) is different."

The students learn how to demand a pestering bully leave, and how to physically push one away.

They also learn that physical strength should be used only in self-defense, not to start or escalate a problem.

Then they learned how to avoid being a target in the first place by demonstrating self-confidence.

Paul Bowman, owner of the dojo where Keller takes a class with about a dozen other children on Saturday mornings, modeled the effects of body language for his students during a "mat chat" on Saturday.

The children giggled as Bowman slumped his shoulders, looked at the floor, and meekly told a student pretending to be a bully to stop jabbing his chest.

Bowman runs a four-week drop-in course designed to help students with bullying problems, but he and the other instructors also work the ideas into the "mat chats" they have with students at regular classes.

Children in previous generations didn’t need to seek out martial arts classes to learn these lessons, Bowman said.

"Character education, respect, those were taught in school, taught at home, taught at church. Then it went away," he said. "It's starting to come back into the schools, but for some time, the sources of it all disappeared."

Bullying hits home for Linda Thompson of Alstead, who drives 30 minutes to Keene every week to bring her three children to class.

Her oldest child, 5th-grader Kenny, is a bright but whisper-voiced boy who has been the target of another student at school for several months.

Kenny's self-confidence and self-esteem were "at a bad place" this past spring, she said. He'd come home and pick on his younger siblings, complain that his homework, which he'd never struggled with before, was too hard, and that he didn't want to go to school.

"I know my kid and I know when something is wrong," Thompson said.

So she brought her three kids - Kenny, 3rd-grader Liann and 4-year-old Aaron - to a demonstration of martial arts at Cheshire Medical Center/Dartmouth-Hitchcock Keene in the spring.

Kenny's been more vocal now when his adversary starts to pick on him at school, she said.

It's an important skill, because bullies "don't want to get caught. They're sly and they're sneaky. They start things when the teachers aren’t watching," Thompson said.

This spring, the state passed a law requiring all school districts put a policy on the books detailing the consequences for bullying behavior in school or online.

The Fall Mountain Regional School District, where Kenny's school is located, is working on its policy in anticipation of the January deadline, Alstead area Principal Gail Rowe said.

It prescribes paperwork that students or parents can fill out to file reports of bullying, and the procedures that will be used to follow up, she said.

"Every kid needs to be treated equally and fairly," Rowe said. "Every child needs to be able to have a voice. ... (But) middle school kids are middle school kids and it's our job to teach them to treat each other with respect."

She said that, during her career in schools, she's seen outside activities - from martial arts to sports or dance classes - help students cope when they've been targeted by bullies.

"It helps build self-esteem and promotes teamwork and getting along with others. I think it's a great idea," she said.

But teachers, coaches and parents need to walk a fine line when helping children learn to avoid landing in a bully's crosshairs, said one local psychotherapist.

Forrest Seymour operates a private therapy practice in Keene, and also works as the coordinator of sexual violence prevention and education at the Keene State College counseling center.

Empowerment and self-possession are good messages, but the victims shouldn't be the only ones taking action, he said.

"When (martial arts is) taught in a kind way, it does definitely boost kids' self-esteem. ... But I am hesitant," he said. "... It should not be left up to the targets. It should not be up to the victims to prevent bullying."

Bullying is an institutional problem, and requires an institutional response, he said.

Kate H. Kerman, another local professional, agreed.

"I really believe it's the responsibility of everyone in the community to address the issues," said Kerman, who coordinates the peer mediation program at Keene High School.

Bullying is "really a very complicated issue and I wouldn't say there’s one clear solution for every victim," she said.

"It's important to get everybody out of the bystander position, to address things that are wrong on the spot, or tell a teacher."

Sarah Palermo can be reached at 352-1234, extension 1436, or spalermo@keenesentinel.com

Reader Comments
The following are comments from the readers. In no way do they represent the view of sentinelsource.com.

Amy wrote on Nov 17, 2010 2:15 PM:
" Thank you to Sensei Paul & the entire staff at Martial Arts Principals for giving the kids tools they can use to stand up to bullies without immediately resorting to violence.

The skills that my kids learned from you and your staff have helped them many times - none of which have ended in a physical altercation. "

Joanna wrote on Nov 17, 2010 7:24 PM:
" Martial Arts Principles of Keene is an amazing place for children to learn not only physical skills, but mental & emotional ones as well. My son has class here, and at almost five is learning skills like modesty, integrity, courtesy... Those are the skills that he can carry with him for life. It is wonderful to have lesson from my home reinfoced in such a healthy environment! "

Bullying is a common experience for many children and adolescents. Surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and at least 10% are bullied on a regular basis.

Bullying behavior can be physical or verbal. Boys tend to use physical intimidation or threats, regardless of the gender of their victims. Bullying by girls is more often verbal, usually with another girl as the target. Recently, bullying has even been reported in online chat rooms and through e-mail.

Children who are bullied experience real suffering that can interfere with their social and emotional development, as well as their school performance. Some victims of bullying have even attempted suicide rather than continue to endure such harassment and punishment.

Children and adolescents who bully thrive on controlling or dominating others. They have often been the victims of physical abuse or bullying themselves. Bullies may also be depressed, angry or upset about events at school or at home. Children targeted by bullies also tend to fit a particular profile. Bullies often choose children who are passive, easily intimidated, or have few friends. Victims may also be smaller or younger, and have a harder time defending themselves.

Bullying Facts and Statistics (From the National Youth Violence Prevention Center)

Almost 30% of youth in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimated to be involved in bullying as either a bully, a target of bullying, or both.

While many people believe that bullies act tough in order to hide feelings of insecurity and self-loathing, in fact, bullies tend to be confident, with high self-esteem. They are generally physically aggressive, with pro-violence attitudes, and are typically hot-tempered, easily angered, and impulsive, with a low tolerance for frustration. Bullies have a strong need to dominate others and usually have little empathy for their targets. Male bullies are often physically bigger and stronger than their peers.

Children and youth who are bullied are typically anxious, insecure, and cautious and suffer from low self-esteem, rarely defending themselves or retaliating when confronted by students who bully them. They are often socially isolated and lack social skills. One study found that the most frequent reason cited by youth for persons being bullied is that they "didn't fit in. Males who are bullied tend to be physically weaker than their peers. 

Anti Bullying 

Our Anti Bullying program is a non-violent, confident building, exciting seminar that provides bully education to children and teens. Students will learn to identify the different types of bullying, why bullies pick on other kids, safe people and safe places, who to tell about bullying, and bully prevention.

The only long-term way to end bullying is by developing the character traits of responsibility, honesty, respect and poise. Children need to be responsible for what they do as well as what happens to them. Learning only how to tell on others will not lead to long-term success. In fact, you can count on the lack of self-responsibility leading to social problems. Honesty is also required so students can assess problems and learn to see the truth. Respect will not only make kids bully proof but will also eliminate them from bullying.

Students need to learn that self-respect will always come before respect for others. How can a child who is constantly being abused mentally, physically, or emotionally be expected to treat others with dignity and courtesy? Finally, children learn to move and act with poise. A child that learns to carry themselves with poise can stand up for themselves and face adversity. Martial Arts Principles does not teach children to run from our problems. We teach children to face their problems head on with confidence and a ready to persevere attitude.

Our Anti Bullying Program is divided into four important lessons. This program can be taught as a one-time seminar by briefly discussing each topic that the four lessons are designed to teach. This program can be taught as a four week course by teaching each of the four lessons in detail. Bully Proof can also be an eight or twelve week course by repeating each of the four lessons one or two times to expand on each lesson and to enhance the students learning through the power of repetition.

Children that participate in this program will receive powerful lessons that will help them become BULLY PROOF.

For more information or to book a workshop for your group contact us at

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